There has never been a generation whose view of marriage was high enough! But speaking for our generation: our view of marriage is so far away from the biblical vision that the biblical view of marriage looks ludicrous to most. Our low, casual, “take it or leave it” attitude towards marriage is one of the worst ever in history. With the new view of same-sex marriage and the divorce rate as high in the church as in the world, we have a real problem with marriage. We are clearly not looking to God’s Word for direction in our marriages.
In the next few posts I will be looking at the biblical view of marriage. We will be striving to get our minds and hearts wrapped around the biblical view of what a Christian husband and wife look like. We will look at God establishing His marriage covenant and what happened in the fall of that covenant.
Today I want to look at the biblical view of a husband.
Let’s look at Ephesians 5. I really want to us to get the context of this chapter so we can look at the role of the family.
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. [2 ] And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. [3 ] But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. [4 ] Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. [5 ] For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. [6 ] Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. [7 ] Therefore do not become partners with them; [8 ] for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light [9 ] (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), [10 ] and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. [11 ] Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. [12 ] For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. [13 ] But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, [14 ] for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,
“Awake, O sleeper,
and arise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”
[15 ] Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, [16 ] making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. [17 ] Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. [18 ] And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, [19 ] addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, [20 ] giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, [21 ] submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. [22 ] Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. [23 ] For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. [24 ] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. [25 ] Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, [26 ] that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, [27 ] so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. [28 ] In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29 ] For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, [30 ] because we are members of his body. [31 ] “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” [32 ] This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. [33 ] However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
We see here in verse 2 that “we are to walk in love as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a fragrant offering and a sacrifice to God.”
As we continue to read through the chapter, we see Paul laying out a proper lifestyle for Christians to live by.
- We are to walk in love, v.2
- Do not live in sin, v. 3-5
- Walk as children of the Light, v. 8-9
- Don’t work in darkness, v. 11
Verse 15 really sums it up with “look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise.”
Paul then gives instructions to wives, which we will look at a little later.
Today we are going to focus on verses 25-33.
Ephesians 5:25: Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
We see that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. We see that Paul started out this chapter with this same statement. Paul always has the gospel in mind! Always!!
Christ gave Himself up for us! Husbands, keep this in the front of your mind! Christ gave Himself up for us!
Husbands, we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church.
This love consists in a strong affection for them; in a real delight and pleasure in them; in showing respect, seeking their contentment, satisfaction, and pleasure; in a quiet, constant, and comfortable dwelling with them; in providing all things necessary for them; in protecting them from all injuries and abuses; in concealing their faults, not putting them into public view, and in working to promote their spiritual good and welfare: this love ought to be hearty and sincere, and not selfish; it should be shown in private, as well as in public: it should exceed that which is given to neighbors, or even to parents; many are the reasons why husbands should love their wives; they are given to be helpers to them; they are companions of them; they are wives of covenant; they are their own wives, we must love them as Christ loved the church!
How did Christ love the church? He gave Himself up for the church!
What is love?
Is love a good feeling you have about someone?
Let’s look at what the Bible says about love, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a.
In these verses Paul is arguing with the Corinthians about putting some spiritual gifts above others. Here he tells them that they all mean nothing without love. Then he explains what love is. We will see here that love is an action, not a feeling!
· Love is patient and kind. Husbands, do you have patience with your wife? I have had to grow in this area. I think I have grown a lot but I still need much grace in this area. Husbands, we must have patience with our wives!
· The next point is kindness! Are you kind to your wife?
· Love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant. The definition of arrogant: making claims or pretensions to superior importance or rights; overbearingly assuming. Husbands, does that sound like you?
· Love is not rude! I can’t count how many times I have seen a husband be rude to his wife in front of other people! That is a sad thing to see! We are to love our wives!
· Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful. Husbands, do you always have to get your way? Then when you don’t get your way do you act irritated for days? Are you then resentful to your wife? That is not love!
· Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Husbands, we should not laugh at ourselves when we screw up! We should stand up and admit when we are wrong and admit it and ask for forgiveness! There is a sad perception in America today when it comes to fathers and husbands. Look at the TV shows today: Everybody Loves Raymond, The Simpson’s - basically all of the sit-coms make fun of the husband, making him out to be a goof, an idiot, a moron. That is not a biblical husband. We are to love the truth and hate sin!
· Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Husbands, we are to bear the brunt of any blow with which our families are hit! We are the head of the family! I handle our finances in our home. I used to not do this and I am by no means perfect at it. I screw up all the time. But Mary used to do them and when we would get into some financial difficulties I would get upset with her. Through God’s grace I finally realized that I was putting a burden on her that I was suppose to take on. We must show hope to our family and lead them to endure anything that comes our way.
· Love never ends. You hear all the time in this country about people filing for divorce because they say they are just not in love anymore. Sorry, but love never ends. I thank God that Jesus, while headed to the Cross, didn’t decide that He didn’t love us anymore and changed His mind. Love never, ever ends! No matter what your spouse has done to you or will do to you! It never ends!
Ephesians 5:26-27: that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
Here we see that Jesus sanctified us through His perfect holiness and sacrifice on the cross. He delivered His church from the guilt, the pollution, and the dominion of sin. Jesus then delivers us to Himself in splendor! His splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing - Jesus makes us perfect for His own glory! That He might present it to Himself - that he might perfectly unite it to Himself in the great day, a glorious church, perfect in knowledge and in holiness, not having spot, nor wrinkle, nor any such thing, nothing of deformity or defilement remaining, but being entirely amiable and pleasing in His eye, holy and without blemish, free from the least remains of sin. The church in general, and in particular believers, will not be without spot or wrinkle till they come to glory. That is, until they reach heaven!
Ephesians 5:28-30: In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
In these verses we see how we as husbands should apply the previous verses. We should love our wives as our own bodies - for we are one flesh.
We all take care of our bodies. How many of you eat everyday? All of us do unless we are fasting. We all eat, we all take showers (some more than others), we all doctor any cuts or scrapes we might have. If we are sick, we go get medicine. This is the natural response to taking care of ourselves. We nourish ourselves with food, we cherish ourselves with clothes. We do take care of our own bodies, but we see here that we should take better care of our wives than even our own bodies! We are one flesh!
Eph 5:29b - just as Christ does the church; Eph 5:30 because we are members of his body.
I will quote the famous English Baptist Pastor from the 1700’s John Gill:
Jesus, who never hated her, but nourishes and cherishes her: Christ never hated his church and people; for his love is not only a love of benevolence, but of complacency and delight: there is a difference between anger and hatred, Christ may be angry with them, but not hate them; and there is a difference between persons and actions, Christ may hate their actions, but not their persons; and there is a difference between deserve and fact, they may be deserving of his wrath and hatred, but are not the objects of it in fact; and there is a difference between what is real, and what is imaginary, they may imagine themselves to be hated by him, when they are not; and there is a difference between hatred, and a non-discovery of love, Christ may not manifest his love, and yet not hate; as he never does his own people, for his love is everlasting and unchangeable: and he "nourishes" them, as a father his child, as a shepherd his flock, and as an husband his wife; he feeds them with that which is nourishing, and with himself the bread of life, with his covenant and promises, with the Gospel and the doctrines of it, and with his love and grace; and by his Spirit, ministers, word, and ordinances: and he "cherishes" them, he grants them near and intimate communion with himself, than which nothing is more desirable by them, or joyful to them; nor is there anything that more revives and encourages faith, hope, and love; he clothes them suitable to their dignity and character, as his spouse and bride; and with which they are well contented, and in which they look exceeding comely in his sight: these phrases are expressive of the whole care Christ takes of his church, in furnishing her with everything pertaining to life and godliness; for her comfort and happiness in this world, and that to come.
Husbands, do we treat our wives that way? Do we furnish her with everything she needs for life and godliness?
Next time we will look at the rest of chapter 5, and get into the covenant of marriage.
Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church!
